She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
