watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dicks are not precious.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
