God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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