we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
