keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
