We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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