everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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