This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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