I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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