remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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