I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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