"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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