Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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