i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
