There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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