i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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