I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
