I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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