This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
