I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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