Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
