I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
