Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
