So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
