Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
