I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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