You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
