If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
