I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If that was your dad, he is hot
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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