I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
