I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
