i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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