I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize