all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
