I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
