We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
