whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My cat gives me a boner
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
