Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
