It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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