I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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