he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
