i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
