Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
