did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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