Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
