About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Randomize
