i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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