I showed him my bush... on skype.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
