Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize