I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Actions speak louder than pants.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
