I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
