she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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