remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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