I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
