1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my shit smells like andre
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize