I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
