her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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