im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How does one acquire holy water?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
