is wine microwaveable?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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