Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
