come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
