Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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