before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
