Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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