on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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