That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
