U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
