no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize