grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
