K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
