Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
