shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
