oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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