sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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