that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
