to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
