We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
