Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
