I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
