Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
