It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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