Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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