Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
