clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize