Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
