Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
