I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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