Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
