True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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