Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize