I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
