if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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