Duck Duck Cougar?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
