Having a random hookup so left but love u
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
