Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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