At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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