Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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