Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
