I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
