Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
