I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
