I heard we made out
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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