Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
