i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's rum buckets o'clock
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
