Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize