I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
