remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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