It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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